POLYGAMY AND OUR FAMILY'S INVESTMENT.
Do not raise your children the way your parents raised you, they are born for a different time~ Ali ibn Abi Talib(RA)
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Muna's father is at the 'Ataaya' base right now, he came home to eat supper and went out to pray 'Isha'. I know he is not coming back any sooner, that has been the routine since we had a little discussion about he getting a second wife. I was against it not because of jealousy, I rejected this offer because our oldest child, Muna, is just 15years old, and I was hoping Muna's father will let us invest in our family rather than bringing in a fresh bride. Muna just completed junior high school, and I believe getting her quality education is the best. I would not have rebelled if Muna's father had a lucrative job, he has been managing with his 'tyre repair' business for a while now, we actually had plans of expanding it, and bringing in more innovations just before we got married, but it seems he does not see any good in doing that again, he is satisfied with the little he earns everyday, and I will give praises to God, for we have food on our table every evening, but I do not think this food will be constant if Muna's father starts a second family with this same source of income.
My onion business has been good so far, but I wish to expand into importing rather than just buying from these women to sell.
Muna is good at selling onions, at least she can do 5 baskets within the weekend, but I donot want Muna to stay in the market with me. I want her to chase her dreams, the dreams that remained dreams for me, I want hers to become a reality, that is why I am ready to stand up against this new bride, I do not know the motive behind Muna's father's new interest in this marriage, but I would have supported him 100% if at least one of our kids had completed the tertiary level of education, better still if he will expand his business and customer reach, I am ready to support my husband do what makes him feel better.
Muna is good at selling onions, at least she can do 5 baskets within the weekend, but I donot want Muna to stay in the market with me. I want her to chase her dreams, the dreams that remained dreams for me, I want hers to become a reality, that is why I am ready to stand up against this new bride, I do not know the motive behind Muna's father's new interest in this marriage, but I would have supported him 100% if at least one of our kids had completed the tertiary level of education, better still if he will expand his business and customer reach, I am ready to support my husband do what makes him feel better.
Nowadays it has been from one quarrel to the other, even what used not to cause a misunderstanding in our house, now sparks a war. We go on loggerheads at least twice a month, yet Muna's father eats all the food we prepare, and ask for his rights when he feels like.
I do all the chores after returning from the market so as to make sure his food is ready before 'Magrib', he eats and leave the house for the 'Ataaya' base and come back after 10 when we are all fast asleep, and when the 'Ataaya' stops him from sleeping and keeps his blood hot, Muna's father now wake me up, asking for his rights. I do not have a problem with giving him his rights, but sometimes I miss those times when he used to pamper me, those times when he used to stay with me and my kids, those times when we talked about investing in our family and in the future of our children.
I do all the chores after returning from the market so as to make sure his food is ready before 'Magrib', he eats and leave the house for the 'Ataaya' base and come back after 10 when we are all fast asleep, and when the 'Ataaya' stops him from sleeping and keeps his blood hot, Muna's father now wake me up, asking for his rights. I do not have a problem with giving him his rights, but sometimes I miss those times when he used to pamper me, those times when he used to stay with me and my kids, those times when we talked about investing in our family and in the future of our children.
After some heated sessions, Muna's father now falls asleep, but my sleep never return. It is as if my sleep has been dug out of me, and I am left lying there reminiscing the good old days, sometimes the imaging an uncertain future for us.
One of these days before our marriage, it has been a long time, but I still remember how hilarious it all was, Muna's father came over to my home at night, ignorant of the presence of my father, even though they new about myself and him, but they enjoyed disturbing him, due his shy nature, anyway, every man is shy in front of his inlaws.
Dad asked Muna's father to tell him about his day, but he was quiet for some minutes and suddenly started stammering, he kept on repeating the same lines as if he only memorised those, dad noticed how uncomfortable it was and called out to me to come and escort my 'sheikh' away, I did not have to run because I was just at the window seeing and listening to everything. We got out and my man was now going to show me how big of a man he was, he talked on and on until we met my uncle, suddenly my man turned into a stammerer once again, he could not even say the greetings out loud, but this time round I could not stop myself, I laughed out loud and my uncle asked 'why?', I only chuckled and said, 'oh nothing'.
Dad asked Muna's father to tell him about his day, but he was quiet for some minutes and suddenly started stammering, he kept on repeating the same lines as if he only memorised those, dad noticed how uncomfortable it was and called out to me to come and escort my 'sheikh' away, I did not have to run because I was just at the window seeing and listening to everything. We got out and my man was now going to show me how big of a man he was, he talked on and on until we met my uncle, suddenly my man turned into a stammerer once again, he could not even say the greetings out loud, but this time round I could not stop myself, I laughed out loud and my uncle asked 'why?', I only chuckled and said, 'oh nothing'.
Right from day one of our marriage, we were told the fun is not going to last forever, yes I know and accept that, but our fight for the success of our family should not be compromised. I am stressing on Muna's education because I believe her other siblings will follow suit and be proud of their sister one day. Our family's investment should at least reach a stable level before we think of adding responsibilities, but this is the case that we are dwindling down the axile as I lament. Muna's father will not come home to supervise these children to learn, I try my best and give up sometimes for them to watch whatever 'Adom TV' has for them, in the end they still go to school anyways, I believe they will learn in class.
Maybe I should talk to Muna's father more, maybe I should explain things into details for him, maybe I should let him look at things from my point of view, and not the view of the society that says 'every woman that rejects polygamy is only jealous'.
We need to build our family, we need to invest in our family's success, our family is our future, the future of our country and the future of our Creed. Bringing them into the world is not the end, but rather just the begining of a great course. We need to stand by our children, motivate them, guide them into becoming great, and just leaders of tomorrow, we need to save our family from the wrath of this earth and that of the hereafter, but it all starts with a little more attention, dedication and supervision. I am not giving up here, I am going to talk more with Muna's father and I am going to invest my attention, energy and wealth into the development of my children, so that the next time I go out with my friends, I can tell them to equally invest in the future of their family, for if makes us all happy and confident.
We need to build our family, we need to invest in our family's success, our family is our future, the future of our country and the future of our Creed. Bringing them into the world is not the end, but rather just the begining of a great course. We need to stand by our children, motivate them, guide them into becoming great, and just leaders of tomorrow, we need to save our family from the wrath of this earth and that of the hereafter, but it all starts with a little more attention, dedication and supervision. I am not giving up here, I am going to talk more with Muna's father and I am going to invest my attention, energy and wealth into the development of my children, so that the next time I go out with my friends, I can tell them to equally invest in the future of their family, for if makes us all happy and confident.
As a growing youth, I also urge you to set your priorities right, the fun will only be fun when all it takes to have fun is set right.
Your sister,
Nuhu Alimatu Sadia
ummi.ug@gmail.com
Ummuabuuha.blogspot. com
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