I DID NOT PRAY ASR

I DID NOT PRAY ASR

" I had known, yet it is at last", this statement  summarises my situation for indeed, "i had known".
    It was a Wednesday evening around 4pm when it all happened, i had escorted tall Maimun and taller Saina to pick a troski back home,  they spent almost the whole day at my residence, we talked a lot, and i don't want to mention this in my current situation, but most of what  we spent our time talking about was other sisters. 
We did not only discuss their life,  but we dissected their existence, we talked to till Zuhr.

I called them my stunt hijabis and one thing i loved about them was how they took their Islamic practices seriously,  even though i was their friend, we attended all the Islamic lectures together, but i could not reach the bar, i was always, for one reason or the other, slagging. It was due to nothing but laziness, and procrastination on my part. I knew i had time to make  things up with my maker before i ........, after all,  i am just 21years old.

When Saina and Maimun prayed Zuhr and Asr,  i told them i was in my menses, and so i cannot join them.
Deep down, i knew i was not. I could not bring myself to pray, sometimes i could not understand myself, but once i get my loud music on, i am set for the day. But this Wednesday seems to be a red Wednesday. After escorting Saina and Maimun, i decided to take some rest, so i threw myself to the bed, lying on my back and counting how many plywood completes my room, how many squares it forms with the cross sticks and which corners have holes.

10plywoods, 16squares and rectangles, 7 tiny holes, all making 4 corners.
Those are my last memories, i have to get up, but my body feels too heavy. I cannot open my eyes, i just can not move a limbs.
It is almost 6pm, this is the time i usually combine all my prayers, but what is happening today. I have lost control  over my body.

Mum walks in and she tries to wake me up, she gives up after several attempts and she started wailing. "I am here mum,  just shake me a little harder and i will wake up", "don't give up on me please". I shouted these words, but it seemed mum was very far away from me.
Some people in the compound rushed in, few tried to check me out, but i heard Nurse Laila whisper to the man close to her "she is cold". Cold?  What does she mean by cold, the weather is cold and i don't have fever, so i will surely be cold, but what is it with the look on her face. Everybody began to change their facial expression to match that of Sis Laila. I did not give up, i kept on shouting, hoping, Mum will hear me and shake me a bit harder, "Mum, i promise i will wake up". But she seemed not to hear me.

" Mum i might just be in comma,  don't let them convince you", but it was all to no avail. I finally kept my words to myself, and tried all means possible to wake up on my own and shame the devil.

After about 5min of walking up and down in my room, all the people decided to leave, their faces still sunken like empty sacks.  Nurse Laila pulled my blanket over my face and that is when it hit me again,  I HAD NOT PRAYED ASR.

Never give up hope,  i told myself,  we will pray this Salat before we get buried incase, i lied to myself. How can a motionless body pray?

" Inaa lillahi wa innaa ilayhi raji uun" (To Allah we belong and to him we shall return).  The repetition of the words did not scare me, the echo  getting closer to my room didn't either, but to whom the voice belong was a shock. I can't believe a principled man like him, a doctor to be specific, will believe these women without a cross check. He kept on murmuring his words as he entered my room, approached me and touched my body as if he wanted to check my temperature, then took a glimpse at  his watch. He held my hand in his, looking at me with an expression i did not appreciate.

After some minutes of staring,  he told my mum, in the lowest voice, "its late, everything will be done tomorrow". What does he mean by everything?

He then pulled the blanket over me once again, now i have the whole night to wake up, if not to reflect. I have to whole night to prove their assumptions wrong if not to count my wrong doings, i have the whole night to try and pray Asr, if not, i meet my creator in fear and shame.

Only Asr being my dept to my creator would have given me a calm, i presume. 
But the life i lived was not something to write home about.
How do i meet my creator when i never took time to learn about Tawheed(oneness of Allah) and believe with correct convictions. I only knew i was a Muslim.

How do i meet my creator when i can count how many times i have voluntarily prayed for the past year?
How can i meet my creator when during Ramadan, i am always menstruating and yet i never pay back.

How do i meet my creator with these hair attachments,  nails attachment, and all sort of body alterations?

How can i meet my creator after being promiscuous all my life?

How can i, after  all these abortions?

How, just how, will this meeting be?

Oh Ya Allah, kindly grant me a return and i will spend the rest of my life worshipping you, i will stop procrastinating and be a devoted Muslim. 
I will do Dawah and i will tell the world not to lay back till death catch up with them, regrets in these times is not pleasant at all for i have nothing more to do, no time for corrections and no turning back.

It's dawn and someone is coming inside, it is dad and mum, mum carries in her hand white bedspread, maybe it is no more a bedspread, for i am still lying here motionless, at least i know what is going on now. She exit the room and  come back with a bucket of water, warm water i guess, at least i know what it is going to be used for, for i am still lying here motionless.
About 500 people standing in rows, i guess to pray janazah, for that i know, because i am still here motionless.
Flooded streets, we are going to the cemetery, that one i am sure of, because i am wrapped in my farewell costume.
My dad and uncle descend in one whole, i assume that is my grave, because they seem to be lowering me into it.

Do not leave me here Dad. I nearly shouted Mum, but mum was no where to be seen. Women are compassionate and would have heard my cry, but i see none here, these men seem to be holding up, they are walking away after leaving me here.
Come back for me please, i am not ready to meet my creator,  and if that is not possible, i will lie here, fingers crossed, fear and regret in my heart, tears in my eyes and wait for the Questioning Angels.
This meeting i am not ready for.
This meeting i did not prepare for.
I Have not Prayed ASR.

Your sister
Nuhu Alimatu Sadia
ummi.ug@gmail.com
Ummuabuuha.blogspot.com

I DID NOT PRAY ASR