A LIFE IS LOST, WHEN OUR TRIBESMEN MARRY FROM AMONGST THEM.

It became a habit, and it became like the most discussed topic between mum and I. She had her own way of getting it all out of me. She could get me to discuss every single marriage proposal that came my way during my time away from home. Sometimes we discuss past proposals to see if they should be thrashed out or can they still be considered, we then come into the present and jot down new proposals. Amazingly we sometimes even discuss those I think are showing signs of putting in their proposals the next semester I guess.

These chats became our most enjoyed ones. Most of them were passive until we landed on an active one. The one that changed my heartbeat and mind pattern. I so wanted the semester to end so I can for once come home for an active chat. I was ready to talk mum into buying my reasons for liking Zayd :).

But what I met was not what I expected. My mother was not totally against my choice, but she was a worried about my choice of tribe. She went ahead to say, " You see this your aunty who is having one child, she married a man from that tribe, this our family and their family blood is incompatible I heard. We ignored all the obstacles then, and she got married to the man out of love.
In the end, the man had an accident and died whiles she was pregnant, and since then she is just there with her son as her only left treasure from that marriage. My dear I don't know much about all of this tribal issues and I cannot even pinpoint what exactly is the reason why these two families cannot be united under the umbrella of marriage. I was married into this family as well and this is what I heard and witnessed.

I believe it will be a good idea if you don't go in for this guy, they say prevention is always better than cure. What of those ones we talked about last vacation, don't you have any of them you can go for, that medical student you said will complete the same year as you, I guess you can consider him."

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I did not want to sing "an empty street, by Westlife" to dull the mood, and definitely not the tearing "have you ever by brandy", yet I found myself singing "I love you so', by Maher Zain, not knowing if it was Allah's love I was referring to or my Zayd's love. I sang My little girl of Maher Zain and replaced every "my little girl with my little boy", even though I knew he was not little. Is this love what they call love?  I remember reading on a sisters Facebook wall that, "true love does not make your heart race, true love is calm and comforting, it is mostly experienced when you finally know that this person is mine" that is mostly after you get married to them. I agree with her, but i wonder how a comforting love will be, i believe it all starts with the racing heart, but we have to learn to reduce our speed and  steadily walk into the comforting side of love. The side of love I am yearning to feel with Zayd.

We really have not gone far in our relationship, but my imagination has run ahead of time, all that I ever saw, admired and wished to have with my spouse, I have began imagining them with him in mind.

We believe Satan is chained during Ramadan, this my love is, "Satan free", no whispers, pure one. Many are what I say to comfort myself, many are what I imagine that keeps my heart racing. Maybe I am trying to find an escape window for the issue at hand, I need to have a second conversation with mum on this issue, maybe I should find some aayats and hadith to convince her that all these beliefs are superstitious, and that what happened with my Aunty was her Destiny. Even if same is to happen to me, maybe it is my destiny as well. I don't want to get back to campus with this issue bothering me, I wonder how I will face Zayd even now, I am out of excuses as to why he should hold on to coming home to ask for my hand in marriage.

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O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. [Quran 49:13]
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Dear sweet mum, "this sweet call makes me know your reason for calling", she caught me just like that, so I sat by her in the sofa and before I could say anything she started a long speech seeking to comfort me. I waited for her to end before coming in. Mum, I know you are doing this out of love for me, but I want us to re-digest this whole issue from an Islamic perspective since we are Muslims, I don't want to be too persistent, because aside some of these issues, you our parents are mostly right in helping us make such delicate decisions in our lives.
However, I want us to consider what Allah tell us about getting to know other cultures, and which better way can we do that than marrying each other and caring for each other. Also the prophet did not only encourage but also married women from other tribes and other race.

These beliefs about someone dying when they marry from another tribe was built not in the light of Islamic knowledge mum. Islam should be our first point of reference in all issues pertaining​ our existence and if anything goes contrary to what Islam advice, it is better for us as Muslims to avoid them.

"Hmmmmm", that was massive but I also realised my speech sank down into mum. "Is not like I am trying to take you away from what you love my dear, nor am I trying to avoid the teaching of Islam, I am scared for you my dear, and I believe we can avoid it all together by not venturing this marriage in the first place. I have heard you and I will love us to bring your father into this. Lets sit on it after taraweeh today. I will tell mallam too. " Ok sweetest mum and thank you very much, I said as I run back to my room.

Huh! was the sound that came out as I closed the gate behind me and lean on it. That was my last left courage, but It got normal when mum seemed all ready to listen to me.
So now who will break the news to mallam, Yes, mallam, we call my father mallam, he is obviously not one of those herbalists and spiritualist who have stripped the name of it's handsomeness. Mallam comes from the Arabic word "mu'alim", which is used for a teacher. So when we say mallam, we mean teacher. Daddy earned this name by teaching in our local islamic primary school for the past 15 years. 

Mallam is a very simple man who I wish my future husband will look up to in terms of character. I hope his simplicity does not get shadowed by culture tonight. 

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The Prophet said: "Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption". Tirmidhi, Nasa'i and Ibn Majah
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"I have heard you both, I must say,  you both are very good at protecting what you love and moreover that is doing it in the light of Islam, I feel so blessed to have such great women as the women of my home" Dad flutters us and those lines make my heart to take a calm, even though not all down; we are yet to hear his final say.
He turns to me and he ask, " Now you", Ok my heart just went all running again."

"How well do you know this guy, his character and religion?, In the light of Islam,  these are the most important  aspects to consider, if I am convinced, then in shaa Allah I am going to follow the sunnah of our prophet by adhering to  the hadith that says, "The Prophet said: "Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption". Tirmidhi, Nasa'i and Ibn Majah".
In order to avoid corruption, and temptation on earth.

The ball is in my hands, I am both nervous and happy from within, if I mess up, I mess it all up and if I am able to throw the right bait, I catch the biggest fish right here, right now, but then I am not allowed to lie, that is for my own benefit. If I lie for my own selfish desire, Allah will be angry with me and this lie will come live with me in one room one day, that is when the truth will like a mirage to me.
I cleared my throat and started, Dad I know him for two years now, even though we have not been very close until last semester when he asked if he could come home to ask for my hand in marriage, He was the President of Muslim students in my school and with that I believe those who voted for him trusted his character and religious commitment before handing such a high position to him. As far as I know him from afar, he is very humble in dealing with people, I don't know about his family yet, because I have not visited or met them before.
I cannot say I know much dad, but the fact that he came to ask for marriage and not any long unlawful relationship I believe tell us something about him, I ended.

Dad did not say much after that, but went ahead to make his own enquiries, and confirmations as well as clear most of his doubts. It took long, school was about to reopen and I did not want to disturb my parents again, it will make me seem over desperate.

One sunny morning dad called me, he cautioned me about alot of things, and made known to me things I shouldn't do with this guy until my hand has been given out in marriage, but for the meantime, he wants to tell me, to notify the guy that his family can come over for the "knocking".
I love you soo much Dad, I said to myself since we are not used to exchanging such words at home. Our love for each other is more expressed than said, that is the community I grew up from.

The rest will make History.
TO ALLAH BE THE GLORY.

Your sister,
Nuhu Alimatu Sadia
ummi.ug@gmail.com
ummuabuuha.blogspot.com