MUST BE WEIRD BEING MARRIED; More of a counsel, less of a story

I was sitting on the chair, gazing at the beautiful dark leaves designed on my  feet. I was all smiley until I saw her pace in, taking a breath of at least 3seconds in-between her steps. She found her way into the room I was seated. There were four seats arranged in front of me for visitors. She sat down in a motion almost like how commandos' bullet was just about to hit the villain in a movie I once watched.
'How are you?'  she started, and before I could say 'I'm fine', she began a lecture with words of prayer and good wishes in-between.
'Your husband is your life now. May Allah bless your new home.  May you be blessed with kids who will grow to be heroes. May marriage be more of smiles than tears for you my dear.'

I raised my head, trying to see her from behind the veil. I smiled while she continued.
'Marriage has its own challenges. You should be patient, for at least you have seen and heard a lot from this community. When you wake up in the morning, you should remember your husband before you remember yourself.'
I raised my head at the last statement. It is not good to cut off the speech of the elderly. I sent my gaze down to my feet once again.
'You should know his likes and dislikes,' she continued. 'You should say sorry when you are wrong. You should be thankful for the little he does for you and know that "Obi nte ne Sika nware ne tamfo" (an Akan wise saying  that translates as "nobody spends their money on marrying  their enemy").  He will wrong you, and you will wrong him, but you two must learn to lead your marriage and not let it run by itself. Beware of friends, a third person will always be a third person. I have more to say sweety, but time will not allow us. I need to see him and give him some bits from my heart.'

Getting up from her seat, she added: "If he disturbs our princess, we are all coming for him." She touched my head and said, 'May the Good Lord be with you wherever you go baby.'
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Turning to the women in the sitting room, she held her nose and made a horn-like sound for what was like 15seconds.
"aaaaayeeeleeeeee" is the best way I can put the sound. By the time it ended, she stamped her feet hard on the ground, bent down a bit, pushing her elbows back and her fingers forward, the women in the hallway gave her the rhythm, and she danced her heart out.

"Iyanuuraaa- aleikanna" which goes with the same lines as a response, "iyanuuraa- aleekanna".
We are Busangas and she is my grandmother, Hajia Halimatu Sadia. 

It lasted for a short moment, and my mind took me back to all those words she poured out to me. My grandmother has been in marriage for what I will call dozens of years. She has lost a child before, she got herself a rival, she once cried for a baby girl, and she has 1000s of baby boys to cater for. This is called experience, and what I just heard was the way to success.

I believed it with all my heart and I was ready to conform to the norms of marriage.
"You think about him before you think about yourself." So that is how our mothers lived, and that is how I am going to start living. It must be really weird being married.

To me, marriage was just a bridge I had to cross and continue just as I am, not even a scintilla of change did I want. However, it seems that was a dream of every growing​ girl  which will never come to pass. The first thing you will lose is your favourite dress. Even if you carry it along to your new home, it automatically becomes a kitchen wear, followed by a lot more favourites. You need to find more presentable likes and  find pleasure in some other things than what you had on the other side of the weird bridge.
The moment you get soaked in Henna, you have to select which friends you are carrying along and which ones you are leaving behind. You carry family along too, but with all these people, great caution is advised, as grandmom already said: "a third person will always be a third person."
Crossing the bridge, you need to carry only one thing in full, your knowledge and wisdom, just as they go everywhere with you, even the way to an everlasting life.
Your past will forever remain your past. But my dear, selectivity is a required trait. Never give up on learning, both formally and informally. Don't get colloquial because of marriage. If you can't continue school, start a trade, continue living , life has more for you than remaining idle. I know a lot of disagreements will come with this aspect, but even if the husband has what it takes to cater for her till eternity, he can't buy her knowledge and wisdom, she must always learn. And my brother, if you deny her access to enlightenment, and later say you want to marry someone with a degree, God has seen you!

You can find your way through the Quran. He is a Hafiz and you both have memorized series of Ahadith.
These are all part of the things that got you attracted to each other. After crossing the weird bridge, don't find fantasy in other things. Spend some time with Allah. You have the whole day to yourselves, but time with Allah is priceless. Share some aayat, Ahadith and educate each other, even if you know them already, a reminder is always good for the believer. I am writing this because I want it to haunt me into doing same. Reading this put both of us in the same corner. "We are aware."

Pray together and pray for each other, pray for others and tract your steps towards light. Walk each other through hard times. Prayer is, and should always be, most important.

More of a counsel, less of a story, the benefit is what we need. Reading it over might be boring.  Life is what you make of it and how determined you are to convince the world not to distract you, for you are a focused one. Reaching where you want to reach without joy cannot be defined as the achievement of your goals. Set goals that are in line with your passion, and achieve them with jubilation.
I wish you all the best in life, and take this opportunity to invite you to my marriage ceremony taking place on the 1st of October 2017, in Kumasi at the Bohyen Masalachi. May we live to see more smiles. Aameen.

Peace be unto you!

Your sister,
Nuhu Alimatu Sadia Gambo
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